Reflections

Today I get to go out to the Buttes with a friend. I hope to get a couple pictures for you guys. It will be my first time going to check those out, I’ve heard that they are similar to R mountain and that R mountain is part of the Butte family that is out there. I hiked R mountain once, and sometime I will need to tell you guys about that.

So, a lot has happened this week. A lot which has been very personal for me, but that I have felt very grateful for. I am really grateful for my friends and to be in Rexburg where I was able to meet them. They really help this place feel like home, and I think when I graduate that will be something I will miss. This week has actually made me glad that I have one more semester here because the people here really are amazing.

Something I often struggle with is feeling confident and being myself.  Lately, I feel like I have gotten better, but every once in a while, I feel weird or out of place and feeling that way can make it really difficult to talk to others. However, when you don’t choose your friends, sometimes the wrong ones find you. That’s not all the time, but for me, I have seen that it’s more often than not.

Being yourself can bring some of the best people into your life, simply because you’re attracting the people who will naturally fit with you. There have been many times I have tried to play a role or come off a certain way, and it caused me to meet people I didn’t naturally work with. While relationships are work and I agree with that 100% there is a certain amount of the relationship that just needs to work well together without being forced. I have no idea why certain personalities work and others don’t, but they do.

One way that I have tried to overcome my insecurities has been accepting the idea of being alone. This may sound a bit morbid, and I swear its not as bad as it seems. The truth is that there will always be people coming into your life and not all of them will click with you. Its impossible to feel comfortable around everyone, and while it can hurt to say, “I don’t think I can hang out with this person anymore,” sometimes it’s necessary. All that time you are spending with someone who makes you unhappy, you could be being spending it with someone you enjoy being with. It doesn’t mean that anyone is wrong or bad but more that some people work, and others don’t.

Now I know that this may all seem mean or harsh but hear me out. No one should spend time with someone where they don’t feel like they can’t be themselves. This took me forever to learn and even longer to find people who I feel I can be myself around. College, for me, has been a way for me to figure out not only who I am but also who I want to spend time with.

Someone once told me that young people try to meet as many people as possible, and there are reasons for that. Networking, friends, honestly when you’re young, you just want to find your place in the world. Which personally I find challenging. For older people, in their 80’s or 90’s, they spend time with those who bring them joy, who they love. They stop caring about meeting people and widening their friend group. They are grateful for the people they have and spend all their time with those people. After hearing this, I tried to implement this in my life. Now granted, I am not out in the workforce yet, so networking will be something I will have to do. However, when it comes to friends, I think my time will be better spent with those who love me for me. Then, when given the opportunity to make new friends, because I will have the confidence to be myself, I will be less likely to wind up befriending the wrong people.

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